Here is an incredibly badly kept secret - I bloody love Christmas. And although it's not even Halloween yet, I am already way over that ghostly night of wonder, and fully on the Christmas train. I've bought candles that smell like apples and am scoping out dresses with sequins on and, er, yeah, I've totally bought a couple of presents already. What? They were right THERE! It would have been silly not to!
I'm kind of the worst. Last year I was that person who had finished all their shopping before November was out. I don't really know what happened to turn me into this unbearable Christmas control freak. Well, maybe generally being a control freak and loving Christmas happened. Yeah, that sounds right.
Here are some ways in which you can become a lame Christmas control freak like me!
1. Spend literally hours on Pinterest. You should have boards for Christmas decorating, Christmas baking, Christmas crafts and also secret gift lists.
2. Make a spreadsheet! SPREADSHEETS ARE COOL. Also, if you keep it up you can just make a new tab every year, and then you can go back and cross-reference with what you bought your Mum in 2009. So interesting!
3. Listen to everything your friends and families say REALLY INTENTLY so then in December you can be all like 'HEY LOOK I GOT YOU THIS HANDBAG YOU SAID YOU LIKED BACK IN FEBRUARY HOW CLEVER AM I???' and your friends will be all like 'Dude, stop shouting. But thank you!' These are nice handbags aren't they? Not a hint. Okay, a little hint. Mulberryyyy.
3a. The problem with being a 3 kind of person is that you feel like you lose the ability to make subtle hints.
4. Refuse to make do with shop bought Christmas cards and make your own! And then be all like 'Oh, this old thing? Yeah, took five minutes.' Maybe this year I will have fun with stamping! MAYBE I WILL.
5. Be that person in your office who announces when the seasonal food and drink comes out and then report back every time you try a Black Forest Hot Chocolate or a festive bake or a Christmas Panini. You should also be that person who starts hashtags like #christmaspaniniday. PEOPLE LOVE THAT PERSON.
6. Set yourself a stupidly complicated Christmas project, spend hours on it and then do nothing with it. Like make a gingerbread house! Depressing newsflash - those things are really hard to eat. Royal icing is like cement. Hansel and Gretel lied to us.
7. Tell people the same Christmas tips every year such as 'Buy plain giftwrap so you can use it all year long!' and 'Make sure you try every item of seasonal food and drink at least once!'
8. Get really annoyed because you want this list to be divisible by 5 but you can't think of any more points. DAMNIT.
What the hell am I talking about? I'm not the worst. I'm the BEST.