Sunday, 9 February 2014

Dating disasters




What with it coming up this week, I couldn't resist posting some of the anti-Valentines sentiments I found on Pinterest. I used to be super against V-Day, but I've mellowed a lot in the last couple of years. I still stand by the fact that it seems to make many couples argue over the expectations it raises though, which is kind of a shame. It's just a DAY, you guys.

Best British Bloggers got in touch to ask if I'd share some dating disaster stories to celebrate Gala Bingo's new Take Me Out game. I racked my brain, but honestly, I'm drawing a blank. My most disastrous dates have been the resoundingly underwhelming kind, which don't really make very interesting stories. I mean, the time I went to Bodeans and ordered chicken and broccoli in a panic was pretty traumatic (if you've ever eaten at Bodeans, you'll understand what a massive waste of a trip that was when there's delicious BBQ to be had). But when in doubt, crowdsource. I put the call out to Twitter, and got some great stories... although I must say, none of them have made me TOO keen to start dating more!


Niki said:
I once had a first date with a dude that was going pretty well 'til he asked 'sooo, are you into ket?' I thought he was joking, but when I laughed and said 'no', he looked really disappointed and said 'oh I'm really looking for someone to do ket with...' He invited me to his a few days later to eat homemade nachos but I declined. I was worried about what else might be in them...

Gem said:
Once I got asked out on a date by a charity man on the street. It was dark, I said yes. I then met him, he was about 20 years older than me and had a perm and a shearling coat. He took me somewhere quite expensive. Then after I went home, text me and said I didn't buy HIM a drink so there would be no second date! SO B A D!!!

Vikki Jane said:
First and only date - he asked if he could 'critique' me, then Went on to criticise my outfit, hair & toenail painting techinique. Really. Am still baffled about his nail varnish knowledge. What a douche!

Gemma said:
The worst is when someone assumes you are dumb. I had a date watching a Scorsese film where the guy was so patronising telling me who Scorsese was, who all the actors were etc. I was studying European cinema!

Amy said:
The worst is my very first first date with someone off of a dating site. To start with he was soooo much older than his photographs, a good 3 inches shorter than his profile and after all of that, he was utterly dull - spent the whole night talking about how he didn't know where his life had gone wrong! It was so depressing! Needless to say I never saw him again. Also (someone else) - does it count as a first date if he leaves you waiting outside Starbucks because he "fell asleep"?!


Eliza said:
I crashed my husband's car on our first ever date. It was definitely not funny at the time but makes for a good story now!

Briony said:
One date was so bad that whenever it was my turn to buy drinks I did shots at the bar, I was so drunk. He wasn't drinking at all. And on a different date, one guy called me a taxi at the end of the date but said his ex's name when they asked who it was for.

Miss Magpie once did 10 blind dates for charity! Here are some of the, um, highlights.
1) Told me over dinner about previous bowel problems & that as a result he always locates toilets as soon as he gets to restaurant. "I've always wanted to do a bungee jump but I would always worry about, well, sh*tting myself". It was a very serious conversation. I turned down an offer of a second date.

2) We'd just met, and he said he just wanted to 'pop into glasses shop' on way to get food. 90 mins later still in shop helping him choose frames.

3) We went ice skating. I couldn't go slowly, he couldn't move without collapsing. I lapped him about 18 times. We hardly spoke. Bad date.

Rhiannon also has a few corkers! Did I just say corkers? Apparently yes.
1) Harry seemed to be a nice young man, we met during my first year of uni through a friend. We went out drinking and then back to mine for tea and toast (and probably more drinking). It got to that time of night/early morning where it was time for young Harry to say bon voyage and disappear into the night. As we said goodbye & had a cheeky kiss, I could see there was something in his pocket (not that!) - I asked him what it was, and he replied quite calmly "Oh, I'm a kleptomaniac, when I go to new peoples houses I have to take something" I never saw Harry or the house bottle opener again.

2) Going out with boys in bands always going to live up to certain cliches, however being a girl, I'm genetically trained to find boys in bands dreamier than Ryan Gosling cuddling a kitten. I went out with this guy for a drink in an oh-so-trendy South London bar. We got onto the conversation of if I'd had any of my clothes worn by celebrities (nice boy taking an interest). I told him I hadn't "Oh, my ex is a celebrity, we're still really good friend, she's really hot" ...said ex is Pixie Lott. How on earth are you meant to compete with that?!? At that point I gave up trying to woo him, got sh*t-faced on gin & ended up getting lost trying to find my bus.

3) ....He sounded like Alan Partridge. Enough said.


Bee said:
A guy picked me up for a "first date". Car arrived & his dad was driving (!) and they took me to his Gran's birthday party. It turns out he'd told his entire family I was his girlfriend (!!) and the whole thing was SO awkward. Worst ever. It was like a slow mo horror movie as all his relations told me "how much they'd heard" about his new girlfriend.

Mrs O said:
I got set up with a mates brother. On the first & only date he told me all about having sex with his ex wife on the dining table.

Finally, Amy said:
Once I dropped my parasol and, in the retrieval, a gentleman brushed my skirts and caught a glimpse of ankle. Quite the scandal!
Oh, Amy.

Do you have any awesomely awful dating stories?



Disclosure: I received a voucher from Best British Bloggers in return for writing this post.

4 comments:

  1. I LOVE all of these! So funny!
    I've not really had many dates - I don't think my boyfriend of five years and I even had a first one! But before I got together with Ben I did go out to the cinema with one of his best friends (who is now one of my very good friends too!). I hadn't realised it was a date, just two friends hanging out, but to this day this friend insists it was a date. Bit awkward. xx

    ReplyDelete
  2. All my dates have been fairly dull affairs in bars or going for a coffee. I need to start my own dating website whee you agree to do something daring on your first date. Someone asked me if I would be happy to be a stay at home mum once, quickly made excuses to leave that one.

    I have to admit that when I met my current boyfriend through online dating we both didn't want to leave at the end of our first date and we arranged to go to a gig the next day and I've spoken to him everyday since. VOM. I had to go on A LOT of date to meet someone nice.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Haha, I love these. My most dreadful one was a guy who drew me a map to his house, on a piece of wallpaper, with a little note to say that he'd been too shy to ask for my number so here was his and a map in case I wanted to see him. I was not tempted to use it.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Such a great post! I've never really had any awful dates but those mentioned really made me laugh (and cringe a little)
    x

    ReplyDelete

Comments make my day. :) I love you.