So it's been a couple of months now until I vowed on here to take a bit better care of myself and stop feeling so rubbish. I don't know whether I'm going to keep doing monthly updates forever, but I quite like reporting back to you all on here. It's how my brain works - writing stuff down helps me make sense of it all. And sometimes, when you feel like you're not achieving anything, it's good to remind yourself that you are.
The biggest changes is how active I am now. In the 6 weeks since I've had my Fitbit, I've done over 466,000 steps (about 185 miles). I'm really pushing myself to walk more. I go on long walks every weekend, plus after work two or three times a week, and on days when I work in London I make a point to walk if I can, rather than get the tube. Often it doesn't even take much longer. I keep trying to beat the previous week's step target, and I can feel my legs getting stronger. The aches are actually back, but that's only because I'm pushing myself harder and so they feel like good aches from working hard and building up muscle.
Up to a week ago, I hadn't lost any weight. That was been pretty disheartening, if I'm honest. I really felt that if I ate a bit healthier and got more active, the pounds would start coming off, but they didn't. I thought maybe I was gaining muscle - I really had nothing at all when I started being good, so it's a little plausible. But even so, I don't think it's enough of an excuse. So last week I went back on Weight Watchers properly. What I realised is that I'm ignoring treat days and snacks and they're adding up. I need a bit more structure to make me more aware of those little extras, to make me reduce my portions and in a week I saw a 5lb difference on the scales. I'm only doing it online for now, but I think the combination of the 'it all counts' mindset and the increased activity should help. I have so many clothes that don't fit that I'm desperate to wear!
Less processed crap:
I bought a Blend Active and I love it so much. I'm really enjoying my morning smoothies. I add oats, so they're filling and I've been experimenting with other extras. I've recently started adding chia seeds as they have lots of health benefits - I'm on the lookout for a magic metabolism booster though. Going back on Weight Watchers means I probably will be a bit more reliant on diet versions on food than I have been, but I see it as a temporary measure to get some weight off, and then I can switch when I'm trying to maintain.
Make more effort:
I'm being useless. I bought a couple of new dresses in the DP sale but as I have so few clothes that fit, they become boring to me really quickly. I don't feel very attractive at the moment, if I'm honest. At work, in particular, in a sea of trendy people, I feel SO frumpy. It bothers me, guys. It bothers me a lot. But if I'm serious about wanting to lose weight then I don't want to give in to being this size and spend a fortune on a new wardrobe. This is so heavily tied into the diet and exercise changes that I'm trying to make because I know how much better I'll feel about how I look if I lose weight. I wish it had less of an impact on me, but there it is.
I'm still using micellar water instead of face wipes, but even though I've bought a new cleanser, I haven't actually used it yet. Being pretty crap on this point, tbh.
Yeah, I know, I did quite a job of starting this post in a positive place and then derailing into negativity. But sometimes that's life, isn't it? I'd be a bit dubious of a blog like this if it was 'Everything is great!' all the time, because everything is never completely great. But I know that I'm making positive changes and it's having a good impact on my body, and although I might not be seeing that impact yet, it's happening. It's a marathon, not a sprint, right?